I haven't posted much about my pregnancy lately, simply because it hasn't been that much fun! I don't want to post just to complain, but honestly this one has been rough. Perhaps I am only feeling worse because this time I have two kids, and can't spend much time relaxing or slowly down. I've felt very fatigued and energy-less, and my mood has been less than stellar. Of course there has also been the nausea and the food aversions. Clearly the reward is VERY much worth the trouble, but it hasn't been the most enjoyable two months of my life lol. Ready to move forward!
But I can gratefully and gladly say that I think the end is in sight (the end of the first trimester I mean), and I am starting to get my pep back. Just tonight I started working out again, and it felt great, and I'm hoping it only gets better from here. I'm 12 weeks today, and traditionally I've felt great by 14 weeks, so I'm just biding my time. I don't think the heat helps much either; it's been in the upper 90's or over 100 for the past month at least, and it's up near 105 and sunny for the next few days. That kind of heat just makes everyone miserable! Thank goodness, and I say this often, for my mom's pool!
So I went back to my midwife, Heather, for my first prenatal appointment, which I blogged about a few weeks ago. The appointment went well, but a few things she said rubbed me the wrong way. For instance, she didn't remember Pierce's birth at all, and I'm not sure she even remembered Nathan and I in general. I figured after 9 months of prenatal care, and about 9 hours of intense labor together, it would have sparked a memory! She also saw on her chart that I had gotten an epidural with Pierce, and asked if I would have one again. My response was (and I've thought about this a lot) that I would rather not, but at the same time I'm not ruling anything out. She then said, "well to me why would you give birth with pain if you didn't have to?". Ummm...aren't you a midwife? It is about SO MUCH more than the pain! I was really really turned off by that statement, and it kind of crumbled the image that I had had of her as a proponent of natural childbirth.
I think birth is the most personal thing in the WORLD for a woman, and a birthing mother should be able to be supported in whatever birth method/plan makes her feel safe and happy. I love love love that we all have this freedom, and I respect every birthing method that my friends and family, and women in general, choose. But it just seemed clear that maybe Heather wasn't the right fit for me this time around, because she does not share my general philosophy (nor does she remember me!). Thus began my search for other options. And that search led me to Inanna Birth and Women's Center in Denton.
I LOVE this place and the women I met there today. It is a birthing center that is staffed by midwives. The birthing center is housed in the most adorable little Victorian house near downtown Denton, right across the street from a park with big shady trees, and the inside is very warm, friendly and comfortable. The prenatal care is identical to what you would receive with an OB. The difference is the level of medical intervention with the labor and birth. When you deliver a baby there, it is meant to feel like home, and to be organic and natural, rather than medical. No bright shiny hospital lights, no blue hospital gowns, no food restrictions, no rules on who can come and go or birth with you. Just a big room with bright windows, a whirlpool bath, lots of seating, and a front porch. LOVE IT. And the best part is that the midwives there are very highly trained and qualified to deliver babies and care for newborns, and they also share my philosophy on childbirth down to the details. I have no doubt that they, along with Nathan, will provide the support and expertise I need when I deliver this little baby.
I do, however, have some reservations. They have nothing to do with my safety, or that of the baby. There were absolutely no indications that the standard of care at the birthing center was anything less than what you would get at a hospital. My concerns are definitely more mental and have to do more with the ritual of the experience. Hayden and Pierce were both born in hospitals, with midwives, and the two experiences, while different in important ways, were very similar in the timeline and the environment, if that makes sense. The birthing rooms looked very similar, the length of stay was the same, the tests performed were the same, etc. Even though Nathan and I were itching to get home both times, and just were not comfortable at the hospital for 2 days after delivery, I still am sort of clinging to that experience, because it is the "norm" for me, and I can't imagine birthing my baby and being home 4 hours later. It just seems alien and unusual (for me). While the hospital is uncomfortable in many ways, at least you are really forced to just relax - no chores, no other kids to care for, no responsibilities, and you can recover physically, and bond with your new little baby without the distractions of home. But the midwife we spoke to brought up a good point, and that is that a lot of her birthing moms decide to keep their older kids at grandma's house for a night or two after the birth, so they can still have that transition time with the new baby, and fewer distractions. I think that might be a nice compromise, although I know I'll be anxious to reunite my new family of 5.
So anyway, that is where I currently stand. Nathan and I spent well over an hour today at the birthing center, chatting with the director and midwives, learning about how they operate and what to expect, and having ALL of our questions answered. We haven't officially decided to switch yet (although we are both leaning that way), and tomorrow I will see Heather one more time for my 12 week appointment. I thought this would be a good opportunity to really compare the two experiences back to back, and make a decision. I know a lot of people think I'm nuts for wanting this natural childbirth, but it's just really special to me, and giving birth is just such a gift. I'm so looking forward to it again!
I'll leave you with some photos of my growing belly! Getting much bigger much quicker this time!
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