Wisconsin Trip

Last week I took my boys home to Wisconsin for a much needed visit with my extended family, and an introduction to all things midwestern.  Oh my gosh it was FABULOUS to be home with the cool fall breezes, the open spaces, the beautiful farmlands and red barns and white farmhouses.  Quintessential Wisconsin at it's best, and I LOVED it.  So did the boys.

My mom traveled with us, and we departed on a Tuesday morning, flying on American Eagle (Hayden was elated by this turn of events having never flown this airline before) up to Milwaukee.  It's funny because when you land in Milwaukee on certain days, they'll fly out over Lake Michigan first, then double back to land at the airport, which is right on the shoreline.  It does almost feel like you are going to land in the water, and Hayden was convinced that the Milwaukee airport was indeed ON the water.  I'm pretty sure this scared him more than excited him lol, since he clearly knew we weren't on a water plane, as he stated many times in those last 15 minutes.  But alas, we made it safely on the ground, and my Uncle Mike picked us up to take us to my grandparents cabin.

Now let me just say that Uncle Mike has two boys himself, that are grown and in college.  So he has paid his dues with little ones, but I think it's safe to say that he is VERY happy those days are behind him, after helping us struggle with about 10 "essential" pieces of child-related luggage, all while taking trips to the bathroom with a 3 year old, and trying to keep a 1 year old confined to a stroller after 3 hours confined to an airplane seat.  NOT FUN!  And he was so patient as I sweated bullets trying to install the dang carseats in the mini-van.  Whew, but we made it!

After a nice long car ride out into the country, we finally arrived at my grandparent's home, which is a beautiful log cabin that they built on a hill just a little way down from their old farmhouse, which they have since sold, and is now operating as a horse farm instead of the dairy farm I grew up with.  It's still as gorgeous as ever, and the new owners are taking really good care of it.  We had prepped Hayden to expect a log house, but he still looked up in awe and told me, "Mommy, it really IS made of logs!  It's bigger than I thought!".  Too cute.

So we quickly settled in, and baby-proofed.  My grandma and aunt Kathy had been so generous to gather a bunch of baby toys and items to make our stay easier, and it really helped out.  We had everything we needed and the boys were totally happy.  And "GG" really took care of us, just like I always remember.  We had every kind of yummy food you could ever imagine at our fingertips, all home cooked and delicious.  After dessert one evening Hayden looked up at my mom and said, "GG has the BEST food!".  And he's right!  Sadly, the first morning we were there, I told Hayden it was time to get dressed so we could go outside to play.  He looked at me confusedly, and said, "But mommy, it's too hot!".  Poor kiddo, he's so used to me telling him we can't go in the backyard at our own house because it's 100 degrees by 9 am.  I explained that the temperatures in Wisconsin are a lot nicer, so we spent our time exploring their huge yard and gardens, swinging on the wooden swing out back (Pierce loved that), and picking and hauling pumpkins from their pumpkin patch.  I even taught Hayden how to roll down the hill.  I was definitely taking a trip down memory lane, and it was fun to have the boys with me.

   

   

One of the highlights of our stay in Wisconsin was a trip to the Milwaukee County Zoo with one of my best friends from high school, Nicole, and her two little boys ,who are roughly the same age as mine.  I hadn't seen Henry since he was about 14 months old, and I had never met her youngest little guy, Ben.  Besides just being happy to be back at the zoo, which held so many fun memories from my own childhood, I had a great time watching my boys make new friends with Nicole's boys.  Henry was about the cutest, chattiest, happiest child I've ever met, and he and Hayden immediately clicked and were best buds the rest of the day.  They rode ponies together, and Henry saved the seat next to him at lunch for Hayden.  Adorable does not even come close to describing how cute they were together.  Ben and Pierce tried to keep up too, and chased after the big boys, and had a great time entertaining each other in adjacent high chairs at dinner out.  Too funny.  It was hard saying goodbye, but she's bringing her boys here in November so I'm looking forward to that.

Besides just watching my boys have fun, I had the best time reconnecting with Nicole, and with my aunts and uncles and grandparents.  Since my parents moved away from Wisconsin when I was in college, I just haven't been able to travel back there as often as I would like, and I sometimes feel those ties getting looser than I would like.  I had so much laughing with my Aunt Kathy, who is the sweetest, most caring, and funniest lady I know.  And although I do get to see "GG" very often, because she makes an effort to come visit us, it was still nice to just curl up on her couch with her and chit chat, and just enjoy being home again.

I finished up the trip by meeting Nathan in Chicago for the wedding of one of my very best friends from college, Julie, and her (now) husband James.  The kids stayed back in Wisconsin with Grammy and GG and proceeded to get the flu (which my mom kept secret from me THANK YOU) and pass it on to my grandparents.  I was blissfully unaware, and Nate and I had so much fun playing the sophisticated city couple for a few nights, and getting to hang out with a bunch of college friends whom I LOVE.  The wedding was gorgeous, as is the couple, and it was a perfect weekend.

The trip ended with a really icky plane ride home, but not because the boys were naughty, but rather because all the people we came in contact with were so unpleasant.  As soon as we sat down on the plane, the lady next to my mom buzzed the flight attendant and made a big fuss about being moved because she needed to study and my kids were a distraction.  Well, the flight was full, so unfortunately for all of us, she stayed put, but of course I felt tension the whole flight trying to keep my kids from bugging her.  Furthermore, the young girl in front of me (probably early 20's) was trying very hard to sleep her way through the flight (at 6 pm), and kept turning around and shooting me dagger eyes every time one of my kids bumped her seat or made a noise.  Ugh talk about stressful.  I need to shake those things off, but it just made for an unpleasant 2 hour flight home.  I was never so happy to get us all into our own beds that night!

All in all thought, it was a fabulous trip and I need to thank my grandparents and aunt and uncle for their hospitality and company, and send my congrats out to the lovely new couple.  Now, on to the next adventure for the Roberts Family....our big ultrasound in 4 days woo hoo!

Baby #3 Update

Well I am 17 1/2 weeks pregnant!  It actually feels like it has gone quickly, which has been good up until this point, since I'm dying to reach the halfway point and find out if we are having a brother or a sister, but honestly I hope the second half of the pregnancy slooooooows down because I'm not exactly ready to have another little baby around quite YET!  Scary.  So the next 5 months can take their time haha.

The last post I wrote about the baby was right after I visited the birthing center I was considering delivering at up in Denton.  At the time I had really mixed emotions about hospital vs birthing center, and I was feeling very conflicted and confused.  Furthermore, my mom and mother-in-law were both pretty skeptical about the safety of a birthing center, so that made me feel uneasy about.  So I decided to embark on a really serious quest for information about birthing center safety.  I read articles published in medical journals, I called the birthing center and spent about 30 minutes getting my questions answered about their own safety records, and I solicited feedback on birthing center experiences from just about every internet chat board I could find!

All of the evidence I gathered supported the conclusion that birthing centers are absolutely as safe as hospitals when it comes to delivering babies.  Mother and infant mortality rates are exactly the same (obviously more babies/mothers die in the hospital because this is where high risk cases are taken, but the studies account for only healthy moms and babies), and in fact the c-section rate for this particular birthing center is 3-5%, where the local hospital c-section rate is 35-50% (it varies by hospital)!!  This birthing center transfers about 8% of it's birthing mothers to the hospital at some point during labor, the VAST majority being first time mothers.  The reason for transfer is usually that mom cannot get the baby out on her own and needs either forceps/vacuume/c-section, in which case she is taken (in her own car, non-emergency) to the hospital, which is 6 minutes away, and where a back-up doctor is ready immediately for assistance and/or surgery.  My midwife said they have only had 1 emergency situation where mom had to ride in an ambulance to the hospital because the baby's heart-rate was faltering during birth, and the outcome was c-section and healthy baby.  That is their only emergency in the 4 years that they have been in operation.  After birthing over 3000 babies, this midwife is extremely adept at identifying cases that need to be in the hospital, and at identifying possible problems during the labor.  She is not a risk taker, and she will advise hospital transfer if anything seems to be out of the ordinary, which I think accounts for their excellent safety record.

Every birthing center is different when it comes to their ability to handle emergency situations.  Well Inanna is certainly the best equipped out there that I have researched, which is a huge comfort.  My midwife explained that it is basically the equivalent of a level 1 hospital, meaning they have all the drugs and equipment to stabilize mom or baby, they have oxygen, anti-hemmorhage drugs, and the ability to intubate.  In fact, my midwife teaches infant resuscitation classes at the local Denton University.   

After doing all of this research, I decided that my final decision would rest on having my first appointment there, and just seeing how I "felt".  I knew rationally that it was safe and perfect for me, but all that flies out the window if you don't feel good there.  As a further measure, I brought my mom along to the appointment because she was my biggest skeptic and I wanted to get her read on the place and the midwife.  Immediately when we walked in it felt good, and everyone was so friendly and welcoming to my mom and I.  I got right in to see Jean, my midwife, and instead of having me sit on the examination table, she had me take a seat on her loveseat, and we just chatted.  I loved her demeanor - very professional and doctor-like, but at the same time she was open, chatty, and friendly.  I got to test my own urine for proteins and glucose (using little test strips like you would for a hottub),and weigh myself; just all very hands on and fun (sorry if that is TMI for some!).  She went over lots of stuff about diet during pregnancy, she explained the quad-screening which I could elect to have at this point of my pregnancy, and discussed my previous birthing experiences and what I could expect at Inanna (basically no drugs or induction unless medically necessary) to make sure I was aware and comfortable with that (YAY I completely am).  Finally I got to hear a happy little baby heartbeat (in the 150's) and my tummy is measuring right on schedule.  Honestly, I couldn't have felt happier about the appointment and Jean, and I felt 150% ready to sign on the dotted line and deliver my baby there.

Then.....there was my mom.  She had asked tons of questions during the appointment, mainly about safety and hospital transport, and many of the answers I've already outlined above.  One thing that Jean said that I think stood out to both of us, was that the two Denton hospitals (and she thought Lewisville as well where I delivered Pierce) do not staff anesthesiologists (or obstetrical surgeons in some cases) 24/7 in their hospitals.  If you need a spinal or epidural for c-section at 2 am, they often have to call someone in.  Even in a hospital, between the time your doctor or midwife decides you need an emergency procedure, there may be some lag time before the procedure can begin simply because of staffing reasons, at certain times of the day.  At the birthing center, if a transfer is required, the back-up physician is called ASAP, you are transported, and he is ready and waiting for you when you arrive at the hospital 6 minutes later.  I think hearing that scenario put some things in perspective for me, and for my mom.

By the time we left, my mom was in full agreement with me that the birthing center was a great choice,and she felt really comfortable with their safety precautions and procedures.  Yay!  I know I don'tneed anyone's approval or support (except for my husband), but it felt really good to get my mom's support on this one.  We both loved Jean, and her overall perspective on what childbirth is (not a disease or a medical procedure, but a perfectly designed process that God created to bring a baby into this world).  Her credentials are impressive and she has been delivering babies in hospitals and birthing centers and homes for decades.  I trust her completely and feel that she is safety minded and cautious.

And I am excited to report that I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday Sept 20th at 10 am, and we should be able to find out the gender of the baby at that time!

Also, Jean told me one interesting little factoid that I thought I would pass on.  She told me this story after finding out I was a meteorologist.  She used to teach graduate level midwifery classes in Dallas, and one of her masters students needed a thesis idea.  She had often suspected that there was a correlation between storms and going in to labor/water breaking, but there isn't a lot of data in literature about it.  So she set her student up with a PhD candidate in atmospheric science, and he provided her with barometric (pressure) data for a certain span of time, which she then compared to birth rates in the vicinity.  She found a highly significant correlation between low pressure (that accompanies a storm) and women giving birth.  I thought that was pretty cool!  So I am going to be hoping and praying for a big storm come mid-February so I can evict this baby haha.

Conquered Fears

Oh my gosh I have been MIA from my blog posts (and my normal life) for the past few weeks.  Life has been complete hectic and crazy, with family visiting and traveling and weddings.  Whew we've had a blast, but it's good to be home!

I'm dedicating this post to conquered fears.  My three year old has worked VERY hard on conquering his "Hayden baby" fears this past month, and I couldn't be prouder.  Something clicked into place when he turned three, and he decided that "big boy Hayden" wasn't afraid of baseball, or pre-school, two of his biggest fears from times past.

I'm not sure if you'll all recall, but Hayden had a very rough time at a few baseballs games last summer.  In fact, we didn't even make it past the first inning at the last game, as he was shaking and sobbing and couldn't un-bury his face from my shoulder.  He was absolutely terrified! His terror extended to anyplace with a stadium, large or small, including the pig races at the state fair lol.  Poor little guy.  Well 3 weeks ago my brother came to visit from London, and one of his favorite things that he can't do there is attend a baseball game.  After chatting with Hayden about it, and hearing that "big boy Hayden" loves baseball, we decided to give it a try.  Game day rolled around, and I could see him battling with his fears, but we managed to get into the stadium with no tears!  He kept asking me if we could leave when it got dark, and I kind of brushed him off and told him that there are big lights in the stadium so it always feels like day.  For the first few innings we enjoyed hotdogs and cotton candy, and things were going extremely well!  Pierce also was having the time of his life - so happy!

   

   

Well, it started to get dark in about the 4th inning, and his fears started to mount.  Suddenly he mentioned the word "fireworks", and I realized that he remembered the fireworks from last year!  As he started to get tearful, I insisted to him that there would be NO fireworks (they were coming at the end of the game and I planned to be long gone by then), and then over the loud speaker I hear the announcer mention the GRAND FIREWORKS SHOW after the game, and viola, here's a little taste of what's to come - and 3 huge fireworks are set off right over our heads!  Oops bad mommy!  Of course that sent him off the edge and into hysterics, but luckily, somehow, we managed to calm him down, and despite one other "taste of what's to come" in about the 7th inning, we managed to hang in there until the end of the 8th inning, when we made the decision to go because Pierce was turning to mush with tiredness lol.  Although he seemed nervous, there were certainly a lot of things about the game that he definitely enjoyed, and overall the experience was really really fun.  I was so proud of him for sticking it out and keeping control of his fragile little emotions.  Here we are, all smiles, leaving the game.

The best part of the night came after we left the game, and stopped for gas a few miles away.  The fireworks started to go off at that point, and instead of being scared, Hayden asked to move to the open back of the car to watch them.  Granted we were a few miles away, and the noise level was low, but I still thought that was great that he wanted to watch despite his fears!  Go Big Boy Hayden!

In even more exciting news, today we had preschool, and big boy Hayden attended with flying colors!  In fact, as I was getting ready in my bathroom this morning he came in with his backpack on and told me, "mommy I'm ready to go to pre-school"! I took that as a good sign. So off we went, and although he did struggle a few times to hold back his tears, and there were lots of questions about when I was coming to pick him up, he still marched into the classroom of his own free will, and waved goodbye happily. The classroom has a pet beta fish and he got wrapped up in that right away with one of his teachers. When I picked him up he was all curled up in his sleeping bag - apparently the morning of school had worn him out! I didn't see any art projects today, but his little note from his teachers said that he was "happy and busy", and that he had learned "the Pledge, some new songs, and the letter A". He also got a checkmark next to every behavioral task (sharing, listening, keeping hands to himself, etc), and their comment was that he seemed like a seasoned pre-school pro. So I was a very proud mama. He told me he will go back again, but not tomorrow. So I'm thinking that's a good sign. We'll see! At his summer camp, his second day was way worse than his first, which I know is common. But I am cautiously optimistic that this new school is just what he needs, and that "Big Boy Hayden" will love attending and will learn a lot from it.

Flights, Family and Fun

We had our much anticipated Gomer family trip to Durango last weekend.  It was AH-mazing.  Loved every minute of it, and we are so thankful to Debbie and Bill for making it possible for us.  Every year they give all of us kids the gift of a weekend getaway (for our birthday and Christmas presents), and this year they have outdone themselves.  In the past we have done winter weekends at cute and cozy B&Bs in the mountains, and we spent one great week at a cabin in Yellowstone, and this year, they rented two beautiful cabins on the shores of Vallecito Lake, outside of Durango, CO, and we were all able to share a weekend of fun and family, making great memories together.

Our trip started with a VERY early morning flight from Dallas to Denver, and then a quick (and beautiful) jaunt to Durango.  Of course Hayden was beside himself with excitement and was just the cutest person ever on the plane.  And Pierce really surprised me with his good behavior (within reason)!  Mr. Independent really wanted his own seat, and he spent quite a bit of time trying to forcibly remove Hayden from his seat by the window, but we managed to work it out.  He was also obsessed with the stickers I brought, and we all de-boarded in Colorado covered head to toe in smiley face stickers.  What fun.

   

   

We were on the ground with our rental car packed up by about 10 am MST.  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you looked at it), the cabin wasn't available until late afternoon, and the rest of the family (who were driving from various places farther north) weren't going to be arriving until dinner.  So Nate and I just decided, what the heck, we may not be back to SW Colorado for a long time, so we might as well take advantage.  So with the boys sound asleep in the back seat, we hit the road bound for Mesa Verde National Park.  Having done a bit of research before the trip, we knew this wasn't necessarily a kid-friendly place, but we also knew that we don't shy from a challenge, and we figured we'd just see as much as we could.  With two semi-rested boys, we embarked on some short hikes, and stopped at some cool scenic overlooks, and managed to take in the best that Mesa Verde has to offer, and it was spectacular!  I'm not sure how much the boys actually grasped of what they were seeing, but they certainly enjoyed the great outdoors, and being in a place where you could actually stand in the sun and soak it up with pleasure, instead of diving for the closest place with AC.

I wish I could tell you more about the history and culture of Mesa Verde, but unfortunately we were kind of rushed through because our boys were tired, and a lot of things were off limits for the kids.  For instance, we couldn't tour any of the cliff dwellings because they required ladder climbing and things like that.  So we kind of just looked from afar and admired the beauty of the place.  Nate and I agreed that we'll definitely have to go back and learn more at some point when the boys can participate and appreciate.  It's really magnificent that people built structures like this, and lived in such a remote place so successfully. 

  

We finally arrived at our cabin that evening, and it was so beautiful!  There were a big front porch that overlooked Lake Vallecito, and the boys were thrilled to find a porch swing, which they promptly climbed on with their cousin Brylin.  Hayden remembered Brylin from a few months ago when she and her mama came to take care of my boys while we were in Italy.  He was absolutely thrilled to be reunited, and I could tell he just adores her.  In fact they were good buddies the whole trip.  The rest of the family trickled in through-out the evening and Hayden couldn't wait to give his cousin Cameron a big hug (he too visited earlier this year), and then we got to meet our new nephew, Luke, who is only 5 months old and simply adorable!  His big brother Liam has grown up so much since we saw him last, and at almost 2, he looks like he could be brothers with my boys with his blue eyes and blond hair.  Hayden was rendered completely speechless when Mammaw finally arrived, and instead was reduced to little squeals of delight and a lot of hopping up and down lol.  They share a very special bond.

So all 6 cousins were together, and additionally, three of us daughter-in-laws are pregnant!  Allison is due with her first, a baby boy, in December.  Britt is due with her second, also a baby boy, in October, and of course I am due with mystery baby #3 in February.  This family is growing and it's so fun that we can share this experience together.  

The whole weekend was awesome, and the kids had so much fun bonding with their cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents, and spending time outdoors.  It was just such a much needed escape, and really Nate and I feel so blessed to have so much love in our lives.  This family is very special and unique, and we are lucky (to say the least) to be part of it.

Brylin likes to do group bathtimes with cousins, but I don't think she realized what a menace PJ could be in the tub!  After repeatedly splashing everyone senseless, I finally gave him the first thing I could grab, which was my brush, hoping he would play with it and get distracted from splashing.  Unfortunately I didn't even realize it could be used as a weapon!  This photo actually looks more dangerous than the situation actually was lol, but I do think their faces are pretty darn funny.

Here are the big boys playing on the shores of the lake.  PJ and Liam kept playing the mud with sticks and then smearing it in PJ's hair.  Boys will be boys!!

The coldness of the water took some getting used (not like the bath water lakes here in Texas), but eventually the boys ventured in and had a blast climbing on the rocks and getting their feet wet.

   

Hayden learned how to play baseball with a t-ball set his Mammaw bought for him.  Uncle Dan was an excellent coach, and after a few successful swings with the tee, they decided he didn't need it anymore, and just played baseball instead.  Pretty cute!  Little sports guy on my hands.  Look at this concentration!

I'll leave you with just a few random shots from the weekend of the fam.  What a GREAT trip!!!  Miss you all tons already.

   

Soaring Temperatures

Seriously, why did we move to Texas again?  August heat is UNBEARABLE here.  Or perhaps it's just my pregnant, irritable self that cannot handle it.  But simply the idea of walking outside is appalling to me lately, even if a pool is involved.  Obviously I have two little men who can't be prisoners to their homes, so I have been venturing out as much as I can, but it's super draining for all of us.  I am very happy that we will be gone a large portion of the next month, traveling to various cooler climates, and by the time our travel ends in mid-September it should be in the 90's, rather than over 100 every day!

The upside of living in a very warm climate, with pools and splashparks in abundance, is that my boys have really become little fish.  Hayden is an excellent swimmer and does not require a vest all.  He just takes a deep breath, dunks his litttle head under water, and swims across the whole pool!  He can probably tread water for longer than I can, and he has been learning how to dive down to the bottom (of my parent's shallow end) to grab toys.  Goggles are his new best friend, and he looks so dang cute in them!  Needless to say, this was HIS summer, and he embraced the swimming thing with all of his heart and might, and he's come out as a super little swimmer.  I couldn't be prouder.

Needless to say, Piercey at 16 months, is not quite as advanced, but he has taken to the water with enthusiasm.  His favorite thing are pools that are beach entry style, and he scares the crap out of me by running in and out as fast as he can, with his little chubby cheeks shaking and jiggling, and me fearing he will wipe out at every turn.  But he LOVES it and laughs and has the best time.  Unfortunately, he flat out refuses to wear a vest or water wings, or any type of floaty vest (and by refuse I mean he screams his fool head off uncontrollably), so he's sort of stuck either in the shallow end, or in my arms, rather than freely exploring the pool.  My sincere hope is that next summer he'll embrace the idea of a flotation device and discover his independence in the pool.  Until then, I'm satisfied with looking at his cute little self in his little swim trunks haha.

   

Well now that Hayden is three, he has to do EVERYTHING by himself.  This sounds awesome, right?  Except that he can't really do everything by himself, and he refuses help.  Even if his arms are twisted three times through his shirt and it's practically choking him, he would rather cry it out alone in his room than let one of us help him.  We are trying to teach him that it is wonderful to be independent, and we are so proud of him, but that sometimes it's ok to ask for help, and that teamwork is essential.  But it's not getting through.  But on a positive note, three year olds aren't afraid of ANYTHING that two year olds are afraid of (like baseball games, pre-school, fireworks, pig races, etc).  We are testing this assertion next Saturday night, as we head to a Rangers game while my brother is visiting from London.  Hayden insists he is going to get a hot dog and cotton candy, and sit next to grammy and Uncle Jeffrey, and he's going to LOVE it.  I sure hope he's right and we don't end up leaving in tears in the first inning, but I'm definitely going in with a positive attitude, and I like that he's doing the same, and facing his fears.

Today I embarked on a sewing extravaganza to make some homemade things for my nephews, and I decided to surprise Hayden with a new pillowcase with some airplane fabric I found on sale.  I am no homemaker, and sewing is not my forte by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I am learning and enjoying it.  So the result was this super cute pillow that of course Hayden treasures.  He is the most appreciative child ever, and I'm so lucky that he doesn't just take one look at toss it aside.  So I was content, and apparently he was too!

So our trip to Durango with Nate's family is quickly approaching on Thursday and no one could be happier than Hayden.  He gets to see his Mammaw, and cousin Brylin and Aunt Britt (who came to take care of him when we were in Italy), and his cousin "Camera", as well as all his other cousins and aunts and uncles and Grandpa.  He also gets to fly on an airplane (although he is upset that it is Frontier and not Southwest, but we can't win them all).  So already last week he had grabbed his new back pack (thank you Chalna!), crammed it full of his favorite toys and crayons, and was wearing it around the house, ready to head off the airport.  Every day is a let down for the poor child as we explain that no, we are not going to the airport this morning, but in X amount of days.  Thank goodness it's only 2 days away!  And not to be undone, Piercey J inherited his brother's old back pack and got to fill his with toys as well.  He's ready!

   

I'll post again once we get back from our trip to lovely Colorado!

Pregnancy Update - 12 weeks

I haven't posted much about my pregnancy lately, simply because it hasn't been that much fun!  I don't want to post just to complain, but honestly this one has been rough.  Perhaps I am only feeling worse because this time I have two kids, and can't spend much time relaxing or slowly down.  I've felt very fatigued and energy-less, and my mood has been less than stellar.  Of course there has also been the nausea and the food aversions.  Clearly the reward is VERY much worth the trouble, but it hasn't been the most enjoyable two months of my life lol.  Ready to move forward!

But I can gratefully and gladly say that I think the end is in sight (the end of the first trimester I mean), and I am starting to get my pep back.  Just tonight I started working out again, and it felt great, and I'm hoping it only gets better from here.  I'm 12 weeks today, and traditionally I've felt great by 14 weeks, so I'm just biding my time.  I don't think the heat helps much either; it's been in the upper 90's or over 100 for the past month at least, and it's up near 105 and sunny for the next few days.  That kind of heat just makes everyone miserable!  Thank goodness, and I say this often, for my mom's pool!

So I went back to my midwife, Heather, for my first prenatal appointment, which I blogged about a few weeks ago.  The appointment went well, but a few things she said rubbed me the wrong way.  For instance, she didn't remember Pierce's birth at all, and I'm not sure she even remembered Nathan and I in general.  I figured after 9 months of prenatal care, and about 9 hours of intense labor together, it would have sparked a memory!  She also saw on her chart that I had gotten an epidural with Pierce, and asked if I would have one again.  My response was (and I've thought about this a lot) that I would rather not, but at the same time I'm not ruling anything out.  She then said, "well to me why would you give birth with pain if you didn't have to?".  Ummm...aren't you a midwife?  It is about SO MUCH more than the pain!  I was really really turned off by that statement, and it kind of crumbled the image that I had had of her as a proponent of natural childbirth.

I think birth is the most personal thing in the WORLD for a woman, and a birthing mother should be able to be supported in whatever birth method/plan makes her feel safe and happy.  I love love love that we all have this freedom, and I respect every birthing method that my friends and family, and women in general, choose.  But it just seemed clear that maybe Heather wasn't the right fit for me this time around, because she does not share my general philosophy (nor does she remember me!).  Thus began my search for other options.  And that search led me to Inanna Birth and Women's Center in Denton.

I LOVE this place and the women I met there today.  It is a birthing center that is staffed by midwives.  The birthing center is housed in the most adorable little Victorian house near downtown Denton, right across the street from a park with big shady trees, and the inside is very warm, friendly and comfortable.  The prenatal care is identical to what you would receive with an OB.  The difference is the level of medical intervention with the labor and birth.  When you deliver a baby there, it is meant to feel like home, and to be organic and natural, rather than medical.  No bright shiny hospital lights, no blue hospital gowns, no food restrictions, no rules on who can come and go or birth with you.  Just a big room with bright windows, a whirlpool bath, lots of seating, and a front porch.  LOVE IT.  And the best part is that the midwives there are very highly trained and qualified to deliver babies and care for newborns, and they also share my philosophy on childbirth down to the details.  I have no doubt that they, along with Nathan, will provide the support and expertise I need when I deliver this little baby.  

I do, however, have some reservations.  They have nothing to do with my safety, or that of the baby.  There were absolutely no indications that the standard of care at the birthing center was anything less than what you would get at a hospital.  My concerns are definitely more mental and have to do more with the ritual of the experience.  Hayden and Pierce were both born in hospitals, with midwives, and the two experiences, while different in important ways, were very similar in the timeline and the environment, if that makes sense.  The birthing rooms looked very similar, the length of stay was the same, the tests performed were the same, etc.  Even though Nathan and I were itching to get home both times, and just were not comfortable at the hospital for 2 days after delivery, I still am sort of clinging to that experience, because it is the "norm" for me, and I can't imagine birthing my baby and being home 4 hours later.  It just seems alien and unusual (for me).  While the hospital is uncomfortable in many ways, at least you are really forced to just relax - no chores, no other kids to care for, no responsibilities, and you can recover physically, and bond with your new little baby without the distractions of home.  But the midwife we spoke to brought up a good point, and that is that a lot of her birthing moms decide to keep their older kids at grandma's house for a night or two after the birth, so they can still have that transition time with the new baby, and fewer distractions.  I think that might be a nice compromise, although I know I'll be anxious to reunite my new family of 5. 

So anyway, that is where I currently stand.  Nathan and I spent well over an hour today at the birthing center, chatting with the director and midwives, learning about how they operate and what to expect, and having ALL of our questions answered.  We haven't officially decided to switch yet (although we are both leaning that way), and tomorrow I will see Heather one more time for my 12 week appointment.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to really compare the two experiences back to back, and make a decision.  I know a lot of people think I'm nuts for wanting this natural childbirth, but it's just really special to me, and giving birth is just such a gift.  I'm so looking forward to it again!

I'll leave you with some photos of my growing belly!  Getting much bigger much quicker this time!